


so when you see me flying by (know that i have changed)

by generalofchaose



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Backstory, Depression, Family, Feelings, Friendship, Gen, Grief, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mostly-Canon, Poe Needs A Hug, Poe-centric, Rated T for Too Many Feelings, Romance, Synesthesia, but wait, so many feelings, sorta kinda not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 13:38:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11875647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/generalofchaose/pseuds/generalofchaose
Summary: Poe Dameron learns to fly the hard way.(aka the synesthetic!poe backstory + excessive feelings fic you probably didn't need)





	so when you see me flying by (know that i have changed)

**Author's Note:**

> So this whole thing was inspired by listening to Grouplove's 'Colours' -- a kind of hauntingly beautiful song that's been giving me all sorts of feelings lately. And then I started thinking of it as Poe's song, and then this kinda... happened? 
> 
> I know I shouldn't be starting this new thing when I still haven't finished the Finn-Centric one (which will get finished I PROMISE) but like I can't??? control myself???
> 
> Anyway enjoy some Poe feelings!

Poe Dameron learns to fly the hard way.  
  
He’s just a baby when his father dies, his only memory a warm smile and a loud laugh, and when his mother tells him stories of bravery, friendship, and love, he closes his eyes and sees orange.  
  
Orange is special. Orange is different. Orange is so much better than the dull greens and browns of Yavin 4. He’s sees orange in the sky at night, and in the stars when his mother takes him flying.  
  
_Flying_. Flying is beautiful, oranges and yellows filling the cold, empty spaces around him, warming him from the inside out.  
  
His mother dies when he’s eight and the whole world washes white. White, white, _white_. It’s like someone took a vacuum and sucked all the color away. Only the sky has a hint of color. So much paler than it used to be. He longs to go up there, to soar over this white veiled world and _feel_ something.  
  
But… he’s scared.  
  
What if he gets up there, and the colors are gone? He’s never flown on his own before. He’s always had his mother there with him. He can’t bring himself to leave her behind.  
  
Days pass like molasses, slogging along without life or meaning. The days turn into weeks. Weeks into months. Poe’s grandfather struggles to hold their fractured family together while Poe prays for some kind of spark, something that will light up his world again. He dreams of his father, a soft glow of warmth, and his mother, a bright beacon of love and laughter and _home_. When he wakes, the colors seep away like ice melting, slipping through his lashes even as he shuts his eyes tight to keep them in.  
  
Then L’ulo visits, bringing condolences, friendship, and his wealth of knowledge about the great Lieutenant Shara Bey and Poe feels brighter than he has in ages. It’s L’ulo’s tales of his mother’s fantastic feats that convinces Poe to give the skies a chance.  
  
He waits until his little town on Yavin 4 goes to sleep, then sneaks out back to where his mother’s old A-wing is kept. It takes a few tries to get her off the ground, but once he does, Poe’s world erupts into a sea of colors, oranges and yellows and reds and violets bursting like fireworks. It startles him so badly he loses control of the A-wing, and only barely manages to avoid crashing to his death.  
  
He still crashes… just without the death part. Ends up waking up half the town of course, and his grandfather rushes out to the smoking A-wing, bundling Poe up in his arms and crying because thank goodness he’s safe _I can’t lose you too_.  
  
But Poe’s grinning, grinning so hard he feels his face might burst because of what he’d seen. The sky was on _fire_ , and he never wanted to leave it again.  
  
Of course… he has to. He had kind of just crashed his mother’s A-wing.  
  
Luckily, L’ulo is able to give him some old manuals (and not just for A-wings but X-wings, B-wings, E-wings, and any other type of starfighter you can think of) and sets Poe about fixing it. But once it’s fixed, Poe returns to the stars at every possible moment, reveling in the sheer amount of color he sees out there, and when he gets the opportunity to fly for the new Republic, he signs the hell up.

**Author's Note:**

> Ehhh I know this whole thing isn't synesthesia exactly... I don't actually know a whole lot about that... chalk it all up to creative license?
> 
> But hey, thanks for reading! Find me on tumblr (same username) for some real quality posts about space and gays and gays in space and also dogs.


End file.
